if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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