i need an iv and a liver transplant
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
