You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
