We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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