four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
