I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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