hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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