ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
