Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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