I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
