My nipple is on Facebook.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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