i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
