so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize