he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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