I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
