no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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