I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she looked like the before picture.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
