he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize
