I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
