who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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