I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
