sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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