Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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