My nipple is on Facebook.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
