I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
