it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
