Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
