I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
