i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
