Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize