Porn is love you can see.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
