I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
