my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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