It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
