Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
