CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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