how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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