Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
