Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
