Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
