And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
