Me too!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
