Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
