I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
