SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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