My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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