Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
