all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
