Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
we're making bets on your personal life
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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