there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
