If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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