You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
