did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
