Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
