all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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