why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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