dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
