I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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