OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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