At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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