I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
