butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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