Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
