i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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