He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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