i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
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It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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