i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
