The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
