On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
