i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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