marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
