Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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