Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
